paranoia.

i think i've got a mighty case of paranoia. haha but then again, i personally don't think i'm THAT paranoid when it comes to certain things. i admit i can be at times though. is it too much to ask that my secrets are kept secrets & not shouted out to the world? i know better than to blab things out, but it's so damn hard to restrain. it gets to that point when i can't keep it bottled in anymore and explode to the closest friend within reach, trust aint even an issue at that very moment. don't get me wrong, i do love my friends. each and every one of them. at least the ones that try to be there for me. but the secret just penetrates it's way through, surpassing any resistance i have to keep it a secret. & sometimes, the person i tell isn't necessarily the best choice of a listener. the sad part is, once i'm able to let it out to that very first person, i can't stop. it feels so great to get the burden off my chest that my mouth continues to go on it's usual rampage. i never find it difficult to repeat the story over and over again. it's almost like each time, i prepare myself more for the next person i'm about to vent to & each time, i get better at telling the story. & to those that hear similar stories over and over again and don't even hear a name, i'm sorry but i love you for hearing me out (: guess after a while, i figured that once you let names out, everyone starts finding out... even if they don't go to the school. haha and no it's not paranoia, people really do find out and start talking smack. for those thinking that i should just forget those smack talkers, it's not easy for me. feels like the world knows and supports the other kid, leaving me out of the loop. it's better to just keep it on the downlow, you know?