second thoughts.

i realized i haven't included many pictures lately. i figured my blog's getting kind of heavy on the text, soooo here's a tribute to the lovely summer days coming our way (:

onto a more serious note...

i hate change. most of the time i hope for something to spice up my life, but i'm also extremely scared of it. this on the other hand... is not for the purpose of spicing up my life really. it almost feels as though it's something i need to do. i don't quite know how to explain it though, other than what i've been saying over and over. my grades.. the people.. the teachers.. waking up so damn early.. getting home so damn late. [oh, & if you're reading this and thinkin i'm a drama queen, then i strongly advise you to exit off this page right now 'cause it's only gonna get worse from here on out] i burst into tears the other day as i took a leap down memory lane with my buddies. honestly, i never thought i'd miss my friends THIS much. i've kind of always prided myself in being that person that doesn't let emotional 'stuff' get to me. i guess i can kick that theory out the door. i've thought about this every year since seventh grade, but never really took any action about it until this year. i kind of took it a step further with each year. i mean, i know what people are thinking... it's like i'm the girl who cried byebye or something. i assure you, i'm not trying to do anything like that. i'm constantly having second and third and fourth thoughts about it all now. do i REALLY want to do this? to make matters worse, things are actually looking up for me too. if only life was being a biotch as it was a couple of months ago, i'd leave lickitysplit, no questions asked. but things have changed a bit. i mean, i still have time to back out. it's so tough, but i mean.. is this just all my emotions talking? when i made this decision, i had a clear mind. a very set, clear mind. but i just don't know anymore. do i stay and go through yet another year of wishing i had actually done it? ooor do i leave, and regret it? either way, i think there'll be a hint of regret involved.